I Got into the Brownies

So last night we hosted a handful of my daughter’s girlfriends and our immediate family to celebrate my daughter’s 10th birthday.  Double digits!  My daughter opted not to have cake, instead she wanted brownies and ice cream.  If this were a few months ago, I would have said that brownies are my kryptonite.  If I have learned anything from my therapist, it is that how I frame things, like using the word kryptonite, has a huge impact on how I look at certain foods.  So I will correctly then say that brownies (especially homemade ones) are one of my favorite things on the planet.  My daughter and I made two batches – one plain, and one using m&m’s to spell out “happy birthday” on the top.

Well, I was doing great serving it to the kids, barely had a taste of the moist, chewy good stuff.  My husband ate a m&m brownie and told me it was really great.  Thanks, honey!  Ten minutes later he tells me the same thing.  All good intentions of course, he was just praising the chef, I get that and appreciate it.  (Although at the end of the night, after mentioning a third time how good the brownies were, he realized, being aware of my sickness, he should not have kept mentioning to me how good they were.  Isn’t hindsight great?!?!?) 

So where was I…. oh, so I was serving kids brownies and ice cream and I’m thinking – deep breath, you can do this, girl, but the need to eat some was starting to really grow.  It soon got to the point where it was practical to combine the plain brownies with the m&m-covered brownies to make more room on the table, so I consolidated and took one pan (the ones that had the plain brownies in it) into the kitchen, to, well, quite frankly, eat the stuff left behind and then wash the pan. 

Though there wasn’t a lot to eat, maybe a brownie’s worth of scrapings, I ate them down so fast.  Instead of slowly enjoying every bite and savoring, I ate them quickly because I did not want someone to walk in and catch me scraping every last crumb of the left behinds from the baking pan *sigh*. 

So when the party was wrapping up and I was bringing everything into the kitchen to clean up, etc, there sat front of me the 1/2 full pan of brownies that had both the plain and m&m’s.  The m&m ones, which my husband raved about, were calling to me.  Unfortunately, my sickness clouded my rational thinking and I answered the call.  My husband was right, they were really good. 

I ended up eating two of them and all told went over in a calories by a little bit, but not too terrible (thank goodness I ate a small dinner knowing that I could get in to trouble with the treats we baked).  Once again though, dammit it, I inhaled them, instead of savoring them.  On a good note, I am pleased to say that after eating the two I was able to put on the brakes and the brownie eating did not go any further.  

There are still about a dozen or so sitting on my counter right now.  They are not calling to me, but that can change at a moments notice.  I will do my best to be strong.

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2 comments so far

  1. Martine on

    Sounds like one is too many and a thousand is not enough.

    Have you considered using one of the food plans in the OA “Dignity of Choice” pamphlet? As these recent studies (http://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&q=sugar+drug+Princeton&as_sdt=2000&as_ylo=2007&as_vis=0) indicate, sugar is addictive. Consuming even small quantities of it is playing with fire, much the same as shown in the examples of “methods we have tried” on p. 31 of the AA Big Book.

    However, as always, take what you need and leave the rest.

    God bless!

    • love2eatinpa on

      hi! i just found your comment in my spam folder. maybe the imbedded link alerted my spam finder. anyway, you are rights, consuming small quantities is often playing with fire. thanks for reminding me and for the references! and again, sorry that your comment got lost.


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