Holiday Cookies

Warning: there are some graphic food descriptions here, so beware!

There is a man at my husband’s office whose wife every year bakes these huge, decadent, multiple- types-of-chocolate-chunk cookies and gives them out to everyone in the office.  The couple also happens to throw a holiday party every year.  When we went to the party a few years ago, I totally gorged myself on these cookies that she had stationed, along with other goodies, in just about every room of their huge, beautiful home.  I hardly knew anyone at the party, so after eating one of these delicious cookies, the whole rest of my evening there was devoted to eating as many cookies that I could find, they were that good.  Never mind that I was completely stuffed to the eyeballs with them and feeling sick, those little details were completely irrelevant, I just had to have more.  I really had no one to talk to, as I’m not comfortable going up and introducing myself to people, but alas, the cookies required no small talk.

Last year, as a work-in-progress trying to stay binge-free, we got invited to the party and I told my husband to go himself, that the pull of those cookies was just too strong for me and that I didn’t want to put myself in that position.  While it was a hard decision, I made it and was proud of myself for doing something that was in the best interest of myself for a change.

Yesterday though, my husband brought home some of the cookies, that the baker’s husband brought to the office, for our two kids to enjoy.  Just seeing them made my heart palpitate.  I broke off some chocolate chunks that were hanging off the edges of the cookies (they were just asking to be pulled off!) for really, while the dough is good, the chocolate chunks are better, and I was content to just eat that part.   So the cookies are a bit misshapen now, but hey, my kids won’t care.  One was eaten by my son last night, so there are three on the counter.  They are not calling me right now, but you can bet that I will try to get my kids to eat the rest of them today just so they will be away.

And yes, I may steal some more of the chocolate chunks off, but I will account for them with my calorie intake and I consider (after much therapy) that to be a normal behavior. : )


8 comments so far

  1. innerpilgrimage on

    Hey, as long as they’re part of your food plan and the kids don’t seem to care, enjoy! Especially if they’re not calling to you any more, therefore they’re not an actual binge food (the party, however, sounded like a trigger situation . . .)

    • love2eatinpa on

      i did enjoy them. what was nice too, was that i was able to slow down and savor the chunks instead of just ihaling them. the enjoyment only lasts for 30 seconds, but it was enjoyment.
      hey, my other email to you re: “lifeline” seems to have bounced back to me… i was suggesting you look on the oa website to read one or contact them and ask for a copy. I could mail you some back copies if contacting oa doesn’t help.

      • innerpilgrimage on

        If my meeting doesn’t have one floating around, I might just take you up on the back copies offer–if you don’t need them any more.

  2. Ashleigh on

    Hi! I have just found your blog via Melissa’s blog (Tales of a …), and was really intrigued by your journey. I, too, am a compulsive overeater, and have wanted to work through the OA process, but do not have meetings or resources available to me in my immediate area. Do you have any suggestions for those struggling with this compulsion in isolated areas? Thank you!

    • love2eatinpa on

      hi and thanks so much for reaching out to me! so you went on the oa website and found there were no meetings near you? my suggestion would be to buy either off the oa website, or from amazon, the 12 step book of oa. i read that before i went to my first meeting so i had some kind of idea going in what oa is all about. it was so eye opening to me to know that there was actually a book written about this eating disorder, and that i was not alone. for me, having something in front of me to refer back to is really helpful. it’s also very helpful to have someone to talk to, because nobody but a fellow c.o. can really understand what you are going through. i have also had great success with therapy. do you think there are any good therapists who specialize in compulsive behaviors or eating disorders near where you live? i’m here for you whenever you need to ‘talk.’ you are not alone.

    • innerpilgrimage on

      The OA world service has access to telephone and online meetings, as well. If you go to this website ( ), you can find an online or telephone meeting until you’re able to get to a face-to-face meeting. You can get the books online from the OA website store, located at .

      Having lived in a remote area before, where the closest town was 20 miles away on country roads (about 30-40 minutes) and the closest big city was 40 miles beyond that (which I just found out is the closest meeting location to where I once lived), I know the frustration of trying to get to civilization–and even that 60 miles is a very short trip in comparison to the obstacles many people confront trying to get to a face-to-face meeting.

      I’m looking forward to hearing how things turn out, so please c’mon back and let us know? Thanks! 🙂

  3. Ashleigh on

    Thank you for these resources. I am definitely going to check into them ASAP.

    • love2eatinpa on

      i wish you the best. as they say at the end of oa meetings – keep coming back! it’s worth it if you work it.

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