Archive for the ‘Thanksgiving’ Category

Compulsive Eating at Thanksgiving Dinner

*Sigh*  I knew going into the holiday that it was going to be rough.  I always have a tough time when  there is a buffet of some sort.  I’m pretty good with “meal” foods, but it’s the buffet of desserts that gets me.

The first step of OA is to admit that you are powerless over food. Well, once again I have proven that this is certainly the case with me.  I am weak.  It’s as if I can’t be trusted around certain foods.  It makes me feel disappointed in myself, that I don’ have the self-control to stay away.  I should never take the first bite.  I won’t bore you with the details of what desserts I ate, but suffice to say that I took the proverbial first bite, thought the bites were really good, and had some more bites.  This happened with four different desserts.  At home , on a regular day, I can take the first bite, but when I’m not in my home and it is some occasion where there is a lot of desserts, this sickness clouds my rational thoughts.

Now, the fact of the matter is that I only went over my calorie count by about 250 calories.  I could have done tons more damage, and in the past I would have in a heartbeat.  I consider myself as having kept my abstinence because even though I compulsively ate more dessert than I planned on,  because thankfully I was able to put on the brakes before it got worse, I didn’t continue the eating at home and today I’m right back on track.  But ugh, I still felt a little full after we got back home last night.  I never eat until I’m full.  For SO many years I used to eat until I was physically ill, but for close to two years I have not done that.  I did not like feeling that fullness I felt last night.

In the grand scheme of things, I know that going over my count by 250 calories is not the end of the world.  It was the compulsive behavior that was so upsetting to me.  It is just always a hair away from the surface and can easily cross the surface at any given moment. 

I have put Thanksgiving dinner behind me, there is nothing I can do about it now.  All I can do is make today a good one (which I did) and continue to take it one day at a time.   Still, it sucks to feel week, powerless and out of control.  I know all the tricks, made my plans, didn’t frame the desserts in some negative way and yet, I still succumbed to the compulsion.  It’s like I can talk the talk but I can’t walk the walk. 

I hate that I’m probably going to go through this for the rest of my life.  While I would love to avoid family dinners, special occasions, etc. and stay safe in my home cocoon, I know that that is not a reality.  I have to live my life, which includes these dinners and events.  I need to either find a better way of dealing with the compulsion, or just assume I’m going to go a little overboard, let it happen within reason, be kind to myself about it, then just get back on the horse the following day. 

This sucks.

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Happy Thanksgiving!

Hey all, Just wanted to wish you a happy, smart-eating Thanksgiving.  There is a way to not overindulge this holiday.  Try to stop and think before you start eating something that is going to get you into trouble.  We can all do this, although it certainly won’t be easy.  Good luck to us all!

Thanksgiving Dinner on My Mind

Thanksgiving is approaching and I’m already trying to wrap my brain around how I’m going to try to deal with the dinner.  Typically, we host so it’s easy for me to sort of control the menu and I can easily sneak into the kitchen and weigh/measure my food so I know exactly how much I’m having.   As you probably know by now, I’m a calorie counter and there is a certain amount of calories that I shoot for each day.  I count my calories not only so that I don’t go over my calorie count, but also so I don’t go too far under.  If I end up to be under, I am thrilled to be able to eat some more to get up to my allotted amount.

So eating at someone’s home is stressful for me on a couple of levels.  First is because I cannot use my scale and I have to eyeball the quantities of most things that I eat.  After all these years of measuring and weighing, I’d like to think I have a pretty good grip on roughly what things weigh by eyeballing them, but it still bothers me not knowing exactly how much things weigh and subsequently how many calories I’m having.  I’m well aware that this control thing is part of my compulsive eating sickness. 

Why don’t  I just bring my scale, you ask?  Because I do not feel comfortable weighing my portions in front of everyone, especially my children.  And I don’t want to draw attention to myself by getting up from the table with my plate, pulling out my scale, weighing everything and writing it down.  Also, as I’m still a closeted compulsive eater, I do not want people watching me or whispering about me.  Perhaps at some point I will come out and I will bring my scale, but until that day…

The second level of eating at someone’s home that stresses me is that it is really difficult for me to be done eating my dinner (because I (stupidly) eat too fast and I don’t eat a lot), is that I end up sitting there with all these serving dishes of foods in front of me.  And while the food itself may not be calling to me, I find it very difficult to just there and do nothing.  I feel compelled to eat.  If there was a bottomless bowl of salad with light dressing for dipping that I could keep shoveling in, I’d be happy as a clam.  However, that is rarely the case. 

If I were in my own house entertaining, I could easily get up and start cleaning up, doing dishes, etc.  I can certainly help out in someone else’s home, but it’s just not the same as being in your own home.

I need to frame this properly and not make it into a big deal.  I need to come up with a game plan of what I’m going to eat.  Those are things I can try to do.  But I’m not sure how to deal with what to do when I get done eating and everyone is still enjoying their dinner.  This happens to me all the time in the almost two years I have remained abstinent.  I have confidence in myself that I will get by again with this meal as well, but boy I wish I could figure out a way to make it easier.  It’s not a pleasant feeling to have some level of dread when going to someone’s house to have a family/holiday dinner.

Suggestions, anyone, on how I can deal with this in a socially acceptable way?